2018 Full of Krap Awards

By Phred F. Stone

And the Winner is!

This is that time of the year when we see a slew of multimedia reflections on the past 12 months. CNN, Fox, MSNBC and TMZ will probably lead the pack along with thousands of podcasters and YouTube channels who will bring us hundreds of 2018 year in review sleepers. The top 10 this – the top 10 that. The best dressed – the worst dresses. The top ten biggest fake butts and wardrobe malfunctions. The 50 most interesting people of 2018. Person of the year. We will see the best and worst of 2018 as seen through somebody else’s eyes. Well then, why not me too. I’m easily just as uninteresting. Unfortunately, I don’t have a list of a 100, or 50, or even 10 of anything. I wouldn’t do that to you. I got 3…………. just 3, and they are just as high on the who gives a Krap  list as the person of the year, or anything Kim & Kanye are doing. 

3 – Tattoo Face Rappers

Recently, I was caught in one of those irresistible time vortex detours from FaceBook and landed in the wonderful and incredibly funny world of bad face tattoos. As you probably know, it’s easy to do. I’m always a sucker for anything that falls into the category of “stupid shit people do” As I was strolling through the collection of facial abominations, I was struck by one in particular – a guy with an ice-cream cone on his face. What fascinated me about this was trying to place myself in the moment when he said, “yup, I’m gonna get an ice-cream cone tattooed on my face.” Turns out, this guy was some famous rapper that I’ve never heard of – Gucci Mane. I don’t know anything about Gucci Mane, he’s probably an OK guy with a silly rapper name – but the ice-cream cone face tattoo is mind bogglingly ridiculous, especially on a tough looking black guy. The recent flood of rappers with bad face tattoos makes this call an easy one. If you don’t believe me, just Google search on tattoo face rappers or click here. (I’m there for you) See what I mean. Don’t even try to say that I don’t like face tattoos because I’m old or out of touch. The truth is that the only people who think face tattoos are not dumb…….are people with face tattoos. The fact that this trend hasn’t caught on with women in rap music is another example of women being smarter than men. So, things are looking up.

Honorable mentions: Tekashi69, Lil Xan, Lil Pump, Lil Wayne. I can’t wait to see Tekashi69’s new prison tattoos.

2 – Politics – Hillary Clinton

If you thought that in 2018 we would finally see the end of Hillary Clinton’s excuses for losing the election, you were wrong. Even though Hillary Clinton lost the presidential election in 2016 she still managed to get her mug in front of any speaking tour audience or news camera that would allow her to whine, complain, and point fingers.

In november of 2018, the “Evening with The Clintons” bore-fest of a show packed the 19,000 seat Scotiabank Arena in Toronto with 3300 Hillary die-hards. They couldn’t give the tickets away. $300 face value tickets were going for $6.50 – that’s not a type-o – that’s six dollars and fiddy cents! This kind of Krap makes me feel warm inside. Is that wrong? Spiritual justice comes in many forms.

Just like the Flat Earth knuckleheads who are next, there is a happy ending to this story. The most successful white collar crime spree in recent memory has ended as the Clinton Global Initiative wing of the Clinton foundation quietly folded. Hillary is no longer a senator or secretary of state. She is no longer in a position to effectively engage in the pay-for-play game. She is damaged goods and can no longer bestow political favors to the highest bidders. She has nothing to offer and her former “clients” are running from her like she has Ebola. I voted for Bill Clinton both times, but something evil happened to Hillary along the way. 

Honorable mention: Jeff Sessions, for making the most idiotic political statement ever when he said, “good people don’t smoke marijuana.” Good bye Jeff, there is a moonshine still waiting for you somewhere in the back woods of Alabamy.

And the Winner is!

1 – Flat Earth Knuckleheads 

The hands-down unanimous winner of the 2018 Full of Krap awards goes to a group of people who are clearly intellectually challenged, or hitting the pipe too much, or both. I’m voting for both. They may even be among the most comedically interesting people on the planet. My proof, listed below, is the evidence. If the Flat Earth theory was a movie, it would probably be something like Sharknado 7. As much as these people bother me, I can’t get enough of them. I’m like a Flat Earther crack-head. They’re like a three legged dog and I can’t look away. It’s like a moth that is drawn to fire and I’m the moth. I won’t go into a long diatribe on how deluded these people are because I could fish out of that pond for days, so I’m going to be like FoxNews and just report, you can decide. Here are some of the main tenets of the Flat Earth delusion. And, I didn’t make ANY of this Krap up. 

• NASA, the government, the military, the CIA, all pilots and airlines, all ship captains and cruise-lines,
  Roscosmos (the Russian space agency), CNSA (the Chinese space agency), JAXA (the Japanese space agency), Space-X, ESA, all astronomers and astrophysicists are collectively part of a massive conspiracy to hide the fact that the Earth is flat.
• Antarctica is actually a giant ice wall that keeps the oceans from spilling over the edge of the flat Earth.
• Nobody knows what is beyond the ice wall because it is impenetrable.
• There is no south pole.
• All photos of the Earth taken from space are fake.
• All photos of astronauts floating around in space are fake.
• We’ve never been to the moon, or space, and we’ve never sent probes to Mars.
• There is a dome over the Earth that prevents us from getting into space.
• The moon and sun are the same size – 32 miles in diameter.
• Gravity doesn’t exist.
• There are plenty more too. I can’t get enough.

Any one of these on their own is enough to make even a 5 year old kid with a severe learning learning disability to go “these people are stupid.” This stuff is hilarious and these people are serious. Gravity doesn’t exist? There’s no south pole? Good thing they decided to keep the north pole, otherwise, we’d also have to deal with the Santa Claus conspiracy too. Try explaining that one to your kids. I love it. 

See what I mean. Any one of these items on their own is enough to make even a 5 year old kid with Down Syndrome go “these people are stupid”. They say they’re not stupid people, or on drugs, but……C’MON……just look at the list I gave you. Gravity doesn’t exist? Really? However, there is an intellectually happy ending to this story. Most flat Earthers do agree that the sky is blue and one plus one equals two – so, there’s that

Honorable Mentions

Web sites that ask me to turn my ad blocker off. If a burglar asked you to turn your home alarm off, would you? There is a reason I have an ad blocker – I DON’T WANT TO SEE ADS. This is the reason I got rid of cable TV. This is the reason I pay HULU extra for no ads. This is the reason I pay YouTube extra for no ads. I don’t want to see a 60 second ad from big pharma about the their drug’s side effects. I don’t want to see fast food commercials telling me how great their food is when they are the reason we have an obesity problem in this country. I need to hear the words “erectile dysfunction” again like I need to hear Stairway to Heaven for the 1,234,234,228th time. The ad blocker stays on. If your web site goes away for lack of income from ads…….well……..BYE. 

Copyright 2019 John Ceccon. All rights reserved